


This isn't what I meant (when I asked for a miracle)

by Sunny_Sonali



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Blade of Marmora Keith (Voltron), Klance Big Bang 2018, Lance is not a prince, M/M, Mentions of Mental Illness, Mentions of Suicide, Not Beta Read, Temporary Amnesia, Temporary Character Death, half-siblings allure and lance, mentions of physical and emotional abuse, soul bonds
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-15
Updated: 2018-09-15
Packaged: 2019-07-12 16:38:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15999182
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sunny_Sonali/pseuds/Sunny_Sonali
Summary: His body shudders and he realizes he was freezing. His visions blurs and he’s suddenly afraid. Afraid of dying, afraid of where he will go, afraid for the innocent people on the ships, afraid for his friends, afraid for his family, afraid of himself. There was still so much he wanted to do, for himself, for his friends, and the war. He wants to contribute his weight towards the greater good, he wants fight alongside his godly friends who risk their lives everyday, and he wants to go home.He starts to loose conscious and he begins to wonder if he was hallucinating because there was a glowing lion speeding towards him. His eyes close and warmth spreads through his body. He begins to remember what was once forgotten.AU where Lance leads two different lives in the span of one.





	This isn't what I meant (when I asked for a miracle)

They called it ‘the blindman’s voyage. The heart of darkness. A black hole where one comes to never return. With waves darker than coal, and currents cold enough to encase the slightest touch in frost, it was a wonder why anyone bothered to sail through the bottom of hell.

Submerged in what felt like hours, he was past the point of freezing and on the way to feeling numb. He already lost feeling in most of his body, and his teeth stopped clattering long ago, jaw now locked tight enough only small bubbles escaped his mouth. His pulse beat against the drum of his ear and his head throbbed. The wound burning into his side was the only thing he could feel. He could see nothing but ink and the brief bioluminescent glow of the living swarming around him. No doubt waiting for him to become their next meal. He may have had a chance if he was above water, but now with his body becoming its own anchor, he knew he was going to die.

Oddly, it was comforting. The push and pull of his body swaying with rough currents like a lullaby. It was peaceful down here compared to the hurricane that was happening above. He warned him, everyone warned him against striking through the dark waters of this land, let alone during monsoon season. Now, he and thousands of innocent lives on and off those ships will die. At least He will die with them, Lance thought bitterly.

Months of pretending. Months of blood stained teeth from holding his tongue. Months of purple blotches bleeding his skin from purple fists that held no patience. Months of his heart crawling out of his skin every time he entered His room. Months of staring at the concrete ceiling after being used. Months of lies. Months of misery. Months of wishing he died at the mission instead of being captured into this nightmare.

His vision blurred and he knew he only had seconds left before losing consciousness, minutes until his soul left his body and entered the spirit realm. Strangely, he can’t seem to regret anything that’s happened if it meant he was able to save his friends. The only good that came out of his enslavement was being able to save countless innocent lives, and his friends. Gathering intel and then passing it off to whatever blade member that was available was the only thing that kept him alive for so long. The only regret he has now, was not being able to do more. And not seeing his friends for one last time.

The world around him brightened to an uncomfortable degree and he must be hallucinating because headed towards him was a glowing blue lion. He gave a prayer before giving into the darkness surrounding him. He released his breath one last time and as soon as his eyes closed, he began to remember.  
\---  
The Then

 

He woke up to loud muted music that blared through the castle walls from the outside. It was lively, energetic, and happy. Any other day, any other person he would’ve been awake hours ago dancing around the castle, laughing in joy while teasing his sister while helping around the castle for one of the biggest events of the year. Instead there was a rock in his stomach and he couldn't help but feel like a statue. His body weighing heavily on his bed, stuck in one position no matter how many times he told it to move. As beautiful the music was, he couldn't help but feel it was a funeral procession coming to pick him up to drag his heart out of his chest and burn him to ashes.

A short brief knock startled him and his pulse began to race. Getting up, his heart was in his throat, choking out any sounds or words he wanted to make. His feet dragged against the cold tiled floor until he reached his door, and for a quick minute he prepared himself for whoever was there. He opened it and there stood a short plump woman who held a long gray bag above her head that dragged to the floor. His heart clenched and his stomach dropped, he didn’t know if he was more relieved or disappointed.

“Good morning my lord,” she smiled.

“Good morning to you as well Elisa,” he gave her what hoped to be smile but instead felt like a grimace. It went unnoticed however as she continued.

“Here,” she said while handing him the bag, “is your outfit for today’s ceremony. All alterations are final, so do not ask Zarina for any,” she leaned her head towards him and whispered, “otherwise she will bite your head off like she bit our king’s off earlier this morning.” She laughed and he struggled not to smile. “Also, Princess Allura has asked for you, so I will send someone down shortly to help you get dressed so you can attend to her highness.” She curtsied and he bowed his head dismissing her.

Once he shut his door he collapsed behind it, carefully clutching the garment bag in his hands. He woke up minutes ago and despite preparing for this weeks ago, it was just starting to become real. It was just starting to become real, and he already felt like he was falling apart. No, he squeezed his eyes shut to dispel water in his eyes and shook his head, he will not fall apart today. He has been training to be a royal advisor since he was born, Coran did not spend years of training him on how to put on a different face for different situations and how to charm the most stoic of audiences with a smile, for him to fall apart at the mere thought of today. He was better than this. He will pull himself together and get through this day, then he can leave to another world and fall apart there.

“Oh blue goddess, lend me your strength,” he breathed while a hand went to the necklace he was wearing.

His long white hair was carefully placed on his shoulder in a braid while he was dressed in pretty blue’s, white’s and gold. He wore a long deep blue collared tunic that ran down to his knees with sleeves covering his arms. Intricate patterns of gold decorated all around the front and back of the tunic, while the pants he wore were a simple pair of white pants that went down to his ankles. He almost looked like a prince, he gave himself a sardonic smile in the mirror, almost looked like he belonged with the royal family. He wished he felt like it.

Leaving his room he went down familiar hallways walking across glowing blue patterns that was etched in the floor beneath him. The sounds of his steps were lost amidst the music roaring outside and the guests and servants flying in and out of rooms and hallways. It was like going through a zoo with how busy and chaotic the castle was. After avoiding crashing and bumping into people and going through places to small with ‘excuse me’s on his lips, he finally reached his sisters door. He knocked before entering after getting a ‘come in’ from his sister.

He nearly cried at the sight of sister who sat patiently on her bed. She was beautiful dressed in whites, reds, and golds. Her top exposed her neck and collarbones but were adorned in layers of gold necklaces that nearly dripped down to her bare belly. The red sleeves went down to her elbows covered intricately in beaded gold, while the white and red skirt that rested on her hips draped heavily down to the floor, no doubt due to intricate patterns of beaded gold. As gorgeous as his sister looked, he did not envy her one bit because that outfit was heavy and he knew she would easily tire throughout the day because of it.

She turned her head and gave him a teasing smile. “How is it that i’m the one getting married yet you took longer than me to get ready.”

“You know me, I had to take extraordinary measures to make sure I didn’t shine brighter than you today,” he grinned and avoided the shoe that was thrown at him.

“Oh hush you imp, and help me with hair.”

He grabbed her shoe and followed her to her vanity table and took out her tie that gathered her hair behind her once she sat down. He combed through it a few times before deciding to do an intricate braid that wraps around her head intertwined with the juniberries sprawled throughout her dresses. As they say, the more the bride loves on her wedding day, the happier their future will be.

His throat clenched and he squeezed his eyes shut to will away the water that threatened to spill. This was not about him, it was about his sister. He will be happy for her, or at least look like he was.

He began to work on her hair and soon became lost in his thoughts as his hands mindlessly wove flowers through her hair. His attention was brought back to the present when he felt a heavy gaze on him and found his sister staring at him through the mirror. They locked eyes in the mirror and his sister looked at him with understanding, and realized he wasn’t the only one miserable.

Oh Lions above, if he could get out of his head for more than ten seconds he could realize she didn’t have a choice in the matter either. What a sad excuse for a brother he was, so involved in his own pain he couldn't see his sister’s own.

“Ali...are you okay?” She carefully asked him and he spent a few seconds contemplating on if he should tell her the truth or not. Knowing her, if he tried to lie she would call him out in a second and as much as he wants this day to be all about his sister, she has always been his confidant and vice versa, he could hide nothing from him and nor could she.

He gave her sad smile and briefly looked at her through the mirror before returning his attention to her hair, “no I am not,” he admitted quietly.

He briefly looked at her and she gave him the saddest expression mixed with sympathy and apologies and he immediately shut that down. “No, don’t look at me like that. I’m not the only one who is not okay, don’t you dare try to apologize for a matter you had no hand in.” He briefly stopped braiding her hair and looked at her through the mirror with sad eyes, “you had no choice,” he said quietly.

She stared at him for a moment with worried brows and lips turned into a pitied frown, “neither did you” she whispered.

At her words, it felt as if a damn broke. His heart leapt into his throat and his lungs felt they were on fire and tears wouldn’t stop spilling down his face. He couldn’t do this anymore. He was selfish, so so selfish. He couldn't forget the days he spent so in love sneaking through the halls in the middle of the night just to sleep close to each other. He couldn’t forget the nervous smile that presented him a necklace in nervous hands with eyes so worried he would refuse his gift. He couldn't forget the innocent kisses they shared at the marketplace at Indra. Where no one knew who they were and they could just forget who they were and just be in love together. He couldn’t forget the not-so-innocent kisses and confessions that threatened to devour him under the stars and moons in the middle of the lake. He couldn’t forget that his sister was marrying the love of his life. He couldn’t forget him.

He quickly but carefully put the last clip in her hair before backing away and turning his back towards her. He was heartbroken and selfish but he wouldn't let his sister see what a mess he was and try and comfort him. Today was her day and the last thing she needed was to worry about him while she signs her life away to a man that didn’t love her.

He heard her move away from the vanity, the rustling of her beaded dress and the jewels clinking together as she walked closer to him until she stopped. He felt her hand on his shoulder and he grabbed it and squeezed briefly before gently taking it off his shoulder.

“I’m sorry Alejandro, I am so so sorry,” he heard the tears in her voice so he turned and hugged her tight.

“It’s okay. With Kei’thor by your side, there will be nothing you both can’t accomplish. With both of your brains, beauty, and lions forbid, battle. You and him will be the next power couple of the century, and Altea will prosper even greater under you two.” His voice shook filled with tears. He meant every word he said. Kei’thor may be the most impulsive, reckless, broody, hot head he has ever met, but he was passionate. So so passionate, and loyal. He would bring hell to those who hurt the people he loves and make sure they burn. His battle prowess matches Allura’s if not higher, and he was trained in every art and duty that was required of king. Not to mention he was gentle and kind. Alejandro knew for a fact that Kei’thor would never hurt Allura. They would be good together.

“...and with time, he will forget about me,” his voice cracked, “and grow to love you” he choked on a sob.

“Alejandro,” she sharply whispered. “Do not doubt the love that man has for you. He looks at you as if you put the clouds in the sky and i’m sure if you asked, he would find a way to bring the stars down for you. How could you think such nonsense like that! I’ve never seen anyone look at someone the way you both look at each other. The whole castle can see it!”

He shook his head and pulled back from her and wiped his tears with his hands, and cleared his throat. “Father and the Queen are proof of that, and all that is left of father’s previous love is me, which he can’t even stand to look at half the time,” he gave her bitter smile. “Now enough of this,” he said before his sister could utter another word, “today is about you, we should be talking about you.”

Allura stared at him for a moment with pursued lips and fire in her eyes, “When I ascend the throne, I will divorce Kei’thor and crown you prince of altea like you should've been since you were born.”

He stared at her in shock and shook his head in disbelief, “Allura! You cant say such rubbish, what would father say?”

“Lions can eat father! My duty is to my people, not him,” she fiercely said. Her face softened with her voice, “and my duty to you as your big sister is to make sure you are happy and have the world that you need. I promise you Ali, I will make this right.”

He may have been born a bastard, his father may hate him, but he would never change anything if it meant having a sister like Allura. Through his darkest moments she has been there for him, loved him despite his true status, he would be nothing without her support and love. That was why he had to make sure she never did what she did. Her people would revolt against her if she divorced Kei’thor...and Kei’thor would be ruined. Those who break bonds or relationships were treated like vermin. He couldn’t let her make such a sacrifice just for him. She was too stubborn to see the consequences but he knows how that will play out. He will keep quiet for now, but he will make sure she doesn't destroy herself for him. Besides, there was a large possibility that they will fall in love like the king and queen. There was a reason why first love almost never lasts.

“What have I done in my past life to be blessed with a sister such as yourself,” he smiled at her, “we will worry about the future when she gets here. For now, I am going to find your mother so she can help you finish getting ready. You have yet to put on your veil. I should start praying so you won’t sink ten feet into the ground considering how heavy your dress and jewelry will be,” he paused for a bit, “although your weight alone could cause an earthquake the minute you step down the aisle.” He laughed when he ducked and heard her shoe hit the wall before leaving to go find the queen.

He didn’t find the Queen. He found Kei’thor instead and ducked into the nearest room he could find and collapsed behind the door before kei’thor could see him. He breathed in out trying to regain his breath while his hand clutched at his chest, trying to keep his heart from leaping out of his chest. Goddesses above kei’thor was so handsome. In the days spent avoiding him and he avoiding him, he forgot how handsome he looked. His two-tone hair was done in a neat plait that spilled down his back. He couldnt see much, but he saw how fitted his red tunic adorned with gold patterns stretched across his broad shoulders accentuating the lines of his body.

He brought his shaky hands up to his face and felt his legs collapse beneath him and his knees hit the floor. Lions above, what was wrong with him, first with allura and now this? He had to be better. He will die before letting anyone see him broken like this. He will put on a smile and charm the guests in this castle because the last thing he would want was to embarrass himself, kei’thor, and his family. He took a deep breath and exhaled, but first he would pray. Praying always helped him keep a steady head and calm him down. He opened his eyes and saw his own reflection across from him with scriptures engraved into the walls. Statues of five lions with garlands around their necks stood tall and proud in the front of the room. How convenient to have entered one of the many prayer rooms in the castle, he thought as he walked over to the altar to grab the matches so he could light the candles and incense decorating the room.

Once the room was lit, he grabbed the prayer beads and began chanting.

The entire castle shook and he fell from his knees on to his side. He covered his head and heard clangs and clinks and cracks echo the room and he waited until the castle stopped shaking before he opened his eyes. His breath hitched in his throat and he nearly cried at the sight he saw. The pictures of the lions on the wall were shattered and littered the floor in broken glass. The candles he lit were blown out and melted on the floor. Worst of all, the black lion, biggest of them hall head of her pack, had a big crack that split from her cheek to her ear until the delicate marble above the crack crumbled to the floor, leaving the lion nearly headless. He had to remind himself to breathe and think of a logical explanation before jumping to conclusions like curses or dark magic.

He clutched his necklace and prayed a quick prayer before carefully opening the door. The creak of the door echoed across the room and the sound of it nearly made his ears bleed. His eyes darted across the hallway and his heart dropped in his stomach. The once busy hallway filled with happy chattering and commotions was deathly silent, when he pushed the door farther, it stopped something heavy was blocking the door. When he slowly looked down his hands flew to his mouth to muffle the scream he gave. It was Fernando, one of the royal guards limp on the floor with blood pooling out of his side. Tears blurred his vision and his breath quickened to the point of hyperventilation until he had to remind himself to breathe. He took a few shaky deep breaths and brought a hand to his chest moving it slowly back and forth trying to soothe his racing heart. He closed his eyes and forcefully pushed the door open all the way, his stomach churning as he heard the body drag across the floor. He choked on a sob when he noticed how much blood stained the floor. With the amount of blood he lost, there was no way Fernando was still alive. He stepped into the hallway and nearly screamed at the bodies scattered across the hall. This was no quake or volcanic eruption of Mount Olliea, this was an act of war.

He slowly and quietly ventured the halls of the castle going the way he came from. Most of the halls and rooms he checked were empty and quiet, or filled with blood covering the floors and the stench of death coating the air. It took all that he had to not stop after every body that was slain to see if there was any possibility they could be alive, but he wasn’t that much of fool to believe otherwise. He spent years shadowing Coran in every field the man was knowledgeable in and that included healing, and he now knew enough to see a lost cause when presented with them. Too much time had passed for them to be whole again in the healing pods. He felt his stomach churn up in his throat at the thought, and it took all that was in him to swallow it down. The acid burning down his throat made his eyes water.

Surprisingly, halfway through the castle, he didn’t find a single trace of whoever or whatever did this. Which could mean two things, they were able to defeat the enemy and had them imprisoned or killed, or the enemy came for what they wanted and left. He hoped to lions above it was the first option. He shook his head, he couldn't keep thinking about this otherwise he will drive himself insane with worry and confusion and might do something stupid. Like accidentally find the enemy with no weapon on him and dying, no, he had to be smart about this. He couldn't think of anyone but Coran, because somehow that man held the solutions and answers to all his questions, and most likely wherever Coran was the royal family was there too.

“Alejandro!” he heard a woman shout and recognized that voice. His heart nearly exploded at the sound, ears already used to the deathly quiet that spread throughout the castle. He turned and was shocked at what he saw. The queen in her light blue tattered dress that was stained with blood. White hair was falling out of the intricate bun that was on top of her head, and her hand held a staff with the tip coated in blood. He thickly swallowed, royals only wore blood if there was a battle to be fought. Of course the few times he had to be right, it had to be at the worst importune times.

She picked up her dress that sagged through the floor and rushed towards him. Her hands held his head and her blue eyes scanned his face and then his body to check for injuries. Once she was satisfied, her shoulders sagged and she exhaled a deep breath. She ran a hand down her face before she stared at him angry with furrowed brows and pursued lips, and for a moment he was struck by how similar she and Allura looked.

“Where have you been!” She hissed at him, eyes widening a small fraction and frown deepening. Her hand flew to the side of his face and grabbed his ear, twisting it. “Boy do you not see what has happened I have been scouring the castles wondering if you were dead or alive!”

He stared at her in shock, of all the words the queen has said to him he would have never have thought she would say that. They never had a close relationship, she was kind to him but distant which was understandable considering he was a constant reminder to her that her husband cheated on her and nearly broke their bond. “Why do you care?” He blurted without thinking and instantly regretted it.

The heartbreaking look she gave him made him feel like he broke his own mother’s heart. Tears filled her eyes before they closed and a look of regret and sorrow filled her face, before she opened her eyes. “How could you say that? Of course I care!” She breathed with tears in her voice.

Of all the times he looked at the queen, she never once looked as vulnerable as she did right now. There was always a polite smile on her face with kind but distance eyes, always looking graceful and elegant not a single hair out of place. It was strange seeing her so vulnerable and lacking control. He felt like vermin for making her feel that way, and immediately began to apologize but she held up her hand, silencing him.

“It is not your fault, it is my own for making you feel that way. I should be the one apologizing to you,” she gave him one last apologetic look before wiping away any hint of emotion she previously had. “Enough of that right now, where in goddesses name were you?” Her previous anger returning.

“I was in the prayer room, the one with the marble statues of the lions but the room shook, and the room was destroyed, Fernando was dead, the head of the black lion fell-”

“What did you just say?” She asked urgently interrupting his panic rambling.

“Fernando, is dea-dead, I fo-found outside-”

“No after that,” She interrupted his stuttering with a hint of impatience straining her voice.

“The black lion fell. Her head-half her hea-head crumbled to the floor.”

“Gods above,” her breath stuttered, “this is really happening.” Tears filled her eyes before she wiped them with the sleeve of her dress.

“My Que-Queen what do you mean?” His heart raced and he felt his stomach drop. The world around him seemed to slow as she told him.

“The sky is falling Alejandro, and the gods beneath us are rising.” Her eyes bore into him “they already took Zarkon, but Alfor be damned they will not take you too,” she said fervently.

“Wh-what do you mean? My Queen I do not understand!” Fear filled the pit of his stomach and he could feel his palms sweat. His throat felt to thick to swallow and his heart felt to big for his body. He felt like a little boy again and he had to suppress the urge to find his sister and hide behind her dress.

“I had a vision this morning that Zarkon would cause the destruction of Altea and dominate the realm, unfortunately that vision held truth for we are evacuating as many people as we can while fighting the galra who already invaded Altea and the castle. Alfor is already out on the battlefield and I will be too once I take care of you.”

A million thoughts raced through his head but it seemed like the Queen held no patience for him to get himself together. She grabbed his arm and dragged him out of the hall and up the stairwell.

“What do you mean King Alfor took care of Kei’thor and Allura?” He asked slightly fearful of the answer.

“He froze them and coran in the cyropods which you will be going into as well, but a portable one.”

He dragged his feet across the floor until they halted to a stop. The Queen turned around and stared at him with extreme annoyance. “What is it now!”

For a second, he felt a flash of anger consume him before he calmed himself down. It is not the Queen’s fault, she was just stressed since her whole world was falling apart and he was the one preventing her from saving it. “How could you put them in a cyropod! They are the best chance Altea has to win, they should be fighting for our people not running from them!”

The Queen suddenly looked very angry and for a second he regretted opening his big mouth. Who was he to question his Queen who was just trying to look after her family while fighting for her people. The Queen opened her mouth but closed before wiping any trace of anger from her face. She smiled at him and looked at him patiently. She walked closer to him and he flinched when he felt her cool hands cup his cheeks.

“Ali, the best chance you can give for the people of this realm, is by saving yourself along with your sister and Kei’thor so all of you can save the future. You will have a chance to bleed and scar for our people, but not this battle.” She brushed his cheek with her thumb, “do you understand?”

“Why me,” he croaked with tears filling his voice, “let me fight with you in the here and now. The future doesn’t need another bastard.”

Tears spilled from her eyes and she gave him a big smile filled with sorrow, “you are no bastard. You are my son, and only my son.”

“What,” he breathed sharply and she took a step back from him.

“I have failed you as a mother, but I will not fail you of a future,” the last thing he saw was her mouth uttering words he could not hear when the tip of her staff hit his temple turning his world black.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first story in years so uh please be gentle with the comments. This was done for Klance Big Bang 2018 which I couldn't have done without sanviro on tumblr which I will soon post a link to her beautiful art. I'm so awkward I have no idea what to say but I hope you guys enjoy the fic I will be updating weekly. 
> 
> Also I kinda made Altea have some elements from Indian culture and I am Indian so I'm basing it what I was taught/know. There won't be a lot just some names and elements from weddings and hinduism. Still if anything is offensive let me know and i'll change it.
> 
> Here is a link to Sanviro's amazing piece for this fic 
> 
> https://sanviro.tumblr.com/post/178114651219/this-is-my-piece-for-the-voltron-legendary


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